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my favorite part of christmas is shopping for my family then giving them their presents.
i'm about to loose it... to make them open the gifts NOW.
so, christmas, PLEASE hurry up and get here.
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| on a bad note, i've been at the hospital all weekend.
on a good note, that got me out of cleaning my room.
on a bad note, i'm $100 poorer.
on a good note, it's because i got MAUI JIMS!!!!
on a bad note, it seems like EVERYONE is married.
on a good note, i am NOT married.
on a bad note, my new tattoo is itching.
on a good note, my new tattoo is rad.
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tonight i cut my bangs.
they look awesome.
tomorrow i go to the studio to shoot models.
i'm excited.
next weekend i'm in kc.
regina spektor and hanson both in town.
tattoos on tuesday.
YAY!!!!
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what are you afriad of?
with halloween coming up, there are goblins and spiders everywhere you look. i like to think i'm a rational person, so these things don't scare me. at all.
in the same way, a lot of people have a fear of heights or water or if you're tyra banks, dolphins. not that these fears aren't validated (except for you, tyra), but how often do these interfere with you life? aside from the occasional plane ride or jump off the high dive, or whatever, it's not an inconvenience. let's get real. i mean, really real.
most of the time, people say they are afraid of death.
does it make me crazy that i'm afraid of life?
i know i can't be alone in this, but usually i feel like i am.
i'm afraid! i don't know why it's so hard to say that. (i'm afraid to admit i'm afraid?)
i feel like my life is being controlled by this fear of life itself.
for example:
i'm afraid of getting hurt, so i just ignore the possibility of a relationship all together.
or
i'm afraid of failing, so i keep changing career goals.
i'm afraid of starting something new
i'm afraid of not finishing what i start
i'm afraid of making the wrong choice
i'm afraid of never finding true love
i'm afraid of my friends not being who i think they are
i'm afraid of being confused and afraid
but i want to love and be loved. i want to be successful and fulfilled. i want to be happy. i want to be the woman i know i am... the woman trapped behind this fear.
...but i don't know how.
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